August 08, 2006

That Pandora's box in you.

Have you ever fought with your own inner voices before? Then, I presume you would agree that it complete-fuckingly screw your mind up big time. And it just goes to show how schizophrenia truly resides in each and every one of us, isn't it? I guess, that's kind of fair. That we all have a fair chance to be admitted to the IMH, the same potential.

The difference is, everyone has their own way of getting out of this pathetic predicament.

But, just to share with you, anyway, I think the feeling after getting out of this pathetic state of affairs is a feeling of having just fought a cruel battle. With yourself. It's like, me vs I vs myself vs moi vs wo3 vs saya, and so on and so forth.

You just gotta fucking believe that at the end of it all, end of this cruel battle, someone will emerge as the victor. And you know what's the best and worst thing about that belief? It's that that 'someone' will undoubtedly be one of the 'me vs I vs myself vs moi vs wo3 vs saya, and so on and so forth' and precisely because of that, it seems to suggest that you have some kind of control over who you want to give the trophy to. Yet, at the same time, while you are still trying to battle it out anyway, you just are as torn as to who should emerge as a winner. Not like it makes a lot of difference, you see. But it does. Cos if it doesn't make a lot of difference, then, in the first place, there's just no reason why all these different facades of the same person would even bother to come out and fight.

It's like, opening the pandora box that has your fucking name deeply engraved onto it. And once opened, every side of you comes out and play. And it's nerves-wrecking. It's creating havoc. And it just, screws you up big time.

But, you know what? The only good thing that comes out from this silly but absolutely real battle is that you just know that you somehow, won. Even if you feel weary and quite apprehensive of this potential to be this schizophrenic. How glorious it is to defeat none other than yourself! It's quite a lesson in humility, don't you think?

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:38